The case of imperfection.

Perfection itself is imperfection.
                                                       Vladimir Horowitz



Family dinners. I really hate those.

I used to love family dinners. I was really good in school and my parents would show my school papers to the rest of the family and tell them how good of a student I am and how I am going to be super rich with a beautiful wife, a big house and an expensive car. Thank you for all the pressure, mum and dad.

I never got those things and I do not need them. There came a point when I realized that I did not have to try to impress anybody anymore. I know I am only 32 and I can get those things, but I just do not need them right now and I do not know if I am ever going to.

For the last 10 years I have been asked the same questions all over and over again: if I am ever going to get married, find a better job, do something useful with my life. There are times when I just want to stand up, tell everyone to go fuck themselves and stop telling me what to do, but this is not how I was raised. I listen to their "helpful" comments about my life while thinking about which CD I should buy next and pretend that I am totally agree with their opinions.

At those dinners I could easily see people envy me, because I can do things that they cannot do. I can travel whenever and wherever I can, I am FREE. Basically, I can do whatever I want and whenever I want. I just do not feel the pressure of doing something all the time. Most of my relatives are really short-sighted and judgmental which is something I will never understand. But hey, USSR has done its job pretty well. They have boundaries, they are racists, they do not like anything extraordinary.

This was when I stopped enjoying those dinners. You should feel safe and confident around your family. Instead, you feel like you are in a cage, cannot breathe, want to finish your dinner and just get out as fast as you can.

Why do we have to be perfect around somebody we love and care about? Why cannot we show our weakness once in a while to them? Why cannot we just say that maybe we will not get married or have children or buy a house or an expensive car or other fancy things because it is not what makes us happy in this life. They failed at achieving those things and they try to push you to achieve those things to make them happy.

Nobody's perfect.